Everyone has secrets; this is no new revelation. However, when I think of it in visual terms it astounds me. What would it be like if everyone walked around holding a sign with their innermost secrets? What would it be like if the first thing people found out about you was the thing you want no one to know? It makes me wonder what my sign would say; would it give a detailed description of the amount time I wasted online? Would it have a timer with the amount of hours of tv I’ve watched in my lifetime? Would it be inscribed with the words hypocrite, prideful, unforgiving, liar, thief, and insecure?
I think my sign would say something like this….
Hello, my name is Erica.
Although I’d hate to admit it the reality is that my life isn’t as busy as I make it seem sometimes. I have many lapses of time when I could do something productive, but instead I sit and waste time watching things that, in the timeline of eternity, are meaningless. I wish I was an exciting person with an adventurous spirit that loved hiking, biking, bungee jumping, etc. However, the reality is I would much rather spend a quiet evening at home alone reading, watching some TV show or YouTube video. I’m a hypocrite because the things that I hate the most in people are the things that at a careful introspective glance I see in myself. I am ashamed to say that I’m prideful. I’m in a constant battle to check my actions and true motivations; are they based out of pride or love and compassion? There have been times in my life when I’ve cared more about what people think of me than what God thinks of me. I’m a lying, resentful, unforgiving person. I am awesome at tricking myself into thinking that I don’t care what people say or do. I can easily and secretly dismiss and ignore people that did something to offend me or God in a way that is even worse than ignoring them completely, because sometimes I don’t realize that I harbor unforgiveness towards them.
You would think that seeing the impact God has had in the lives of people around me would make me believe that people can change, that God can redeem and make all things new, but instead my default setting is “people are stupid and you can’t reason with stupid”. I am a thief, stealing the time that God has given me to do things that satisfy me and not him. I’ve neglected my calling saying “no caring for people is too painful God” “you invest your time, energy and love only to face disappointment or a knife in the back”.
Although the beginning of my sign would reveal all of my sins, I would hope it’d end something like this…
This is why I am so grateful for God’s forgiving power. Even though we may be wretched human beings with many shortcomings His grace is sufficient to cover it all, to help us conform ourselves into the image of Christ, and to become a perfect and spotless bride.